Hummingbird
By Nicholas
Becher
This
story is called Hummingbird. And it is a very bad story. I created all of these
characters to say something that I have wanted to say since I decided to study
English. All of these characters are going to die. They exist for one purpose.
And that is for me to write this story.
In
the year 2154, the universe will collapse in upon itself. Right now, it’s
expanding. The universe, that is. Eventually, it will grow tired of reaching
exponentially outward into emptiness, and much like everything and everyone
else inside of it, it will give up. The year 2154 was predicted as the collapse
of the universe by a fictional astrophysicist that I created for the sake of
the introduction of this story. Many physicists would argue that this is an
absurd estimate and that the universe will live for trillions of years beyond
that date. But they are wrong. This fictional astrophysicist’s name is Harrom Foe.
He believes that by 2154, the universe will have grown tired of travelling
aimlessly into the void. He believes that the universe will hit its limit. He
believes that the universe will be sad because after all that time, there is
still nothing to look forward to. He believes the universe will say, Fuck it. I quit. And despite evidence
that predicts otherwise in modern science, he is absolutely correct.
Harom Foe will
die alone in his car in the parking lot of a Panda Express in the year 2022
after choking on a piece of Mongolian Beef. He will not live to feel the
universe collapse upon itself. None of the characters in this story will live
to feel the universe collapse upon itself. And this is because I have written
it this way. However, this story is not about Harrom Foe, the fictional
astrophysicist who will be murdered by an undigested piece of Chinese food.
This
story is about Chevy Rose. Chevy Rose is an English major. He is 25 years old.
He has long, shaggy, nearly-platinum blonde hair. He is a fictional character I
created to represent myself in this story. I hate this character’s name as much
as he does. But he will be dead by the end of this story, so it doesn’t make a
difference.
Chevy
Rose sits in a library on the fifth floor of an office building turned
University. This building - known simply as LB - was packed into the stinking
asshole of Honolulu in the 1980’s. Each floor is uniquely designed to make the
individual forget that they are living on a beautiful island. The construction
workers cleverly insolated the walls of each floor to keep the heat outside and
keep the blasting recycled air-conditioned air inside. This is a fictional building,
although it would appear otherwise. And it will not live to feel the universe
collapse upon itself.
Chevy
Rose crosses his right foot over his left knee, and opens a book entitled The Philosophy of Post-Modern Astrophysics by
Harrom Foe. As Chevy reads a chapter on “Daoism and Time-Travel,” a young woman
wearing a Rolling Stones T-shirt trips over his chair and spills her coffee on
Chevy Rose’s black V-neck shirt and grey skinny jeans. This young woman’s name
is Mandie McMurray. She hates her name as much as I do. Chevy looks at Mandie
and wonders if she has ever heard of Harrom Foe.
Here
is everything you need to know about Mandie McMurray:
Mandie
does not eat steak because it is “too fatty.” She came to Hawaii to marry a
young Puerto Rican named Esteban. Esteban will die in a tragic mechanical bull-riding
accident. Mandie will not witness this accident because Esteban will be out on
a date with his French homosexual lover, Frederic, and Mandie will be at a pub
called Destiny with a young English major named Chevy. Esteban and Fredric will
not live to feel the universe collapse in upon itself. Mandie is a bisexual.
She is terrified of jellyfish. She has brown hair because Chevy only falls in
love with women with brown hair. Mandie
thinks people are stupid, so during conversations she often trails off into her
own thoughts while nodding in compliance with her purveyor. She doesn’t listen
to the Rolling Stones. Mandie is a Nursing major in her Sophomore year. She
will die in 2031 after stepping on Billy, her orange tabby cat’s tail and
falling face first into a 3D Glass Chess set. A 3D Chess set is a modified
version of chess that is built on eight separate tiers. The pieces have the
ability to move both vertically and horizontally. The tiny sharp cross on the
head of the glass King, which rests on the top platform, will pierce her temple
and kill her instantaneously. She will not live to feel the universe collapse
in upon itself.
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